From the Vicious Cycle of Self-Hate to an Empowering Cycle of Self-Love

A few moments ago, I realized 10 days went by since my last blog post. All of a sudden I felt angry about myself. Hurtful words (that I wouldn't dare say here) went flying back and forth and crashing on the walls of my head. (Has anyone said that before? If not then I claim the copyright for that allusion, hehe).

Truth is, we do this to ourselves ... all the time. For instance we say a wrong word to a person who's important to us. We'd then beat ourselves repeatedly with accusatory questions ... "How could you? Haven't I told you? How many times do I have to remind you?"

The same mental self-flagellation happen when we fail an exam, or an interview, or when we lose a business, or when we "drop a ball" in the office. We call ourselves loser, hopeless, worthless, etc. The list is long. I'm sure you can make your own list.

That's self-hate.

The key to stop this self-hate is simply to stop maltreating yourself. I don't have the sophistication needed to tell you how that can be done. But I guess a decision to stop is essential. To me, that's all that matters. A part of you that says, "Enough" has to be heard. You can't be all that bad!

Feeling bad at something or someone (including yourself) is fine. We're humans. We have feelings.

Asking ourselves hard questions is also fine. It is actually healthy. It is an exercise of the mind, a precious gift from God (and I dare say the only thing that we own in our existence).

But repeatedly making unwholesome statements about ourselves and asking pointed questions without a serious effort to answer them honestly are totally self-defeating. It's like hitting your head on the wall, taking pleasure in it. A masochist, you say? Yes. Don't be.

There was someone whom I believe we all know who did this. You already read about this guy in the gospels. His name was Judas Iscariot. He made a mistake. He cursed and punished himself by throwing away the 30pcs of silver and hanging himself from a tree. Grose, yes.

Was he the only who made a mistake? Peter denied Christ three times. The rest of the apostles ran away in fear. When Jesus resurrected, Thomas doubted. Saul, who became Paul, murdered Christ's followers in his zeal for God. What's the difference between these men and Judas Iscariot?

Only Judas rendered judgment on himself. Don't do that!

So, Step 1 is, stop judging yourself. That's God's role. But do feel sorry.

Your Step 2 would be to mend your ways. As Jesus said, "Go and sin no more". You would not dare scratch an expensive car (say a Ferrari or a Porsche) twice. You're worth much more than these cars.  You don't believe that, do you?

Think about it, how many of these cars have already been manufactured? Let's just say a lot. How many human beings have the scientists and engineers created? Zip. Zero. Nada. They can not. But I guarantee you this, the moment they do create one, you wouldn't dare scratch a nano-inch of that gazillion dollar creature.

Now let me ask you, who's worth more? The original? or the copycat? You know the answer.

Stop maltreating yourself. Ok?

Your Step 3 would be to talk nicely to yourself (that's easy) and believe in it (now that's the hard part). Empowering truths abound. Believe them. That's where the rubber hits the ground.

Desiderata says,

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

Keep telling yourself that, coz that's truth!

Here's one more truth from John 3:16 that you need to remind yourself very frequently,

For God so loved the world 
that he gave his one and only Son,
that whoever believes in him
shall not perish
but have eternal life. 

I was maybe 10 years old when I heard a homily from a priest that stuck with me for life. The priest said, "The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is selfishness."

Because of that homily, I now understand that self-love isn't selfish. Self-love is healthy. Lack of self-love leads to selfishness. You know that's true, don't you?

How many teleserye have you watched where the most vicious villain, usually a rich and arrogant person, turned out to be someone with lots of issues.

Love yourself. After all, shouldn't we love others as ourselves (Matthew 22:39)? How can we comply with that second commandment when there's not enough self-love to begin with?

If we hate ourselves, we would most likely hate others. Psychologists call that psychological projection. So, we know that Biblical truth to be scientifically valid.

Love yourself. If you can't, then think of God. He, the mighty King of Kings, loves you (remember John 3:16) Ride on that love and you'd do well.

God bless you!